18 comments on “Golden Water Fall #haiku #Yosemite #anniversary #napowrimo

    • Sharon, my sympathies on your muslce spasms. Hope that you are getting around a little better now.I so enjoy your haibun. The mix of prose and poetry works so well. You set the scene in prose, then offer poetic punctuation, or a new color in verse. On your first haiku, you might be able to cut steep and autumn. When I read rocky cliffs, I see steep cliffs. And when I read gold and red leaves, I know the season.Traditionalists in the haiku form say that the best haiku contain only one seasonal reference. I don’t make that a strict rule in my own poetry, but I do find that one seasonal reference is usually all it takes, and then I have more space to work with in the poem.On your second haiku, I’ll make a comment that has to do with my own taste, and you can take it or leave it. I like the first line very much, but have problems with the personification in the rest of the poem. I wonder if the second half of the poem could consist entirely of water dripping from the trees, without directly linking it to either tears or man’s carelessness? In a haiku, I’d rather evoke the feeling than state it directly.

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