She used to be sweet as violets now she’s jut the fat girl that you cant wait to get rid of. So the question is, “how?” You know if you shoot her there would be ‘stuff’ everywhere and after watching over three hundred hours of COPS you know all about good ‘stuff.’
You just need for her to disappear and not come back and that is when it comes to, you’ll take her fishing. She likes to fish and she wont think nothing of you coming home with a bucket of stink bait, and wanting to go-a-fish’n. You tell everyone that she left a note saying she was going to see her sister and no one will know the difference. What you need to know is how to sink her and keep her down until nature does it work.
To keep a body down depends upon a number of factors beginning with but not limited to water temperature. Is the water moving such as a river or stream? Is the water still such as would be found in a pond or lake? Is it shallow like in a slue or slow moving like a stream? Is the water warm or cold? Is the water fresh or saline? Water that is warm enough will cause a body to decompose and float. Cold water will actually prevent decomposition and keeps the body from floating.
How to get her in the water. You hit her on the head and dump her over board. No! If you do that that there will be a big bump on her head, remember episode number —- ah —- something or other where the CSI determined that the guy was killed and thrown in the lake. Hell, she can’t swim so why not just throw her out of the boat into the water. You row off and she thrashes around like a wounded whale and then sinks once she takes in a good lung full of water. She will begin to rot away at the moment of death. The decay of the flesh will generate gases that will cause her body to float. Seeing how a body is normally heavier than water she should get a good lung full of swamp water and sink like a rock. Even if she does sink after a few days in the warm water the decomposition will generate enough gas to float her to the top. You’ll have to come back down to the swamp and find her floating corpse and shoot her with your twenty-two rifle a few times and she might just up and explode like a bloated cow when stuck with a sharp stick and sink.
Then again, maybe when she comes to the surface the birds, some bugs, snapping turtles an alligator are some other scavengers will be’ah eat’en on her. Once them critters chew a hole in her it will cause the bloating body to lose the gases that are building up and she will fall apart and sink to the bottom.
You can see her now floating in the lagoon like a grazing Manatee, head, arms and legs all dangling down beneath her. Then it is off to the Piggin Wiggin’out Combination Convenience Store Rib Joint and Asian Fingernail Parlor, where that hot dish-water bleached blond, named Valerie, works.
Now for the Disclaimer – This blog does not suggest that anyone should do anything that would be considered illegal. This is a blog for writers to use for research, and as comical relief of a very serious problem. If you do not understand this fully, or you think this give you the rights to commit an illegal act, you’re one sick bastard, and you should seek competent mental counseling immediately.
All rights reserved (c) 2015 by Newt Livesay
Only a few more days of the A to Z Challenge!!!
A to Z bloggers to say “Hi” to:
You always were so clever
so out of the box
and I was always so grateful
for the things I was taught
people are different
in so many ways
you study volcanoes
I think of sun’s rays
your mind is a wonder
as I see the gears turn
and I love to watch them
and in that way I learn
Autism’s a label
for some it seems bad
but look at the child
and all that he has
I’ve spent much of my life with children with special needs. I have been enlightened by a precious light and love that I have been showered with. Brian is one boy that was so enthusiastic and loved life. He spoke with his feet and his smile radiated something like the sun. When he passed away as a young adult, I felt the world had lost a sunbeam.
Many thanks to the team at A to Z Challenge (especially Arlee Bird) for hosting this challenge and for encouraging other writers like these:
YoYo, What a funny word
for something that rides a string
all day long
what about a round thing
goes up and down?
Life how funny and absurd
round and round the circle bring
when you are gone
there’s always more in the ring
everyone becomes the clown
yoyo what a funny word
so much like life
I felt the weight of Atlas
precariously balanced on my shoulders
a lifetime fit into
that cupful of moments
So many things remembered
others eternally forgotten
the grimace of anguish
on my heart
A wax casting
would never hold fast the sorrow
Sadly, if it cracked
so would the dam
that held the reservoir of emotions at bay
I would drown instantly from the deluge
“Better to suffer years
of waxen apathy”
the seer whispers “then to…
At that moment
the power of the deluge
Words: A necessary part of every poet’s verse. It’s not the number of them that counts but the meaning ascribed to each and every one.
“Poetry is the spontaneous outflow of powerful feelings: it takes its origins from emotion recollected in tranquility. “
William Wordsworth, Lyrical Ballads, 1802
Never too old
smooth, the perfect bouquet
fill my glass
Over the last several months, I have been looking for letters of the alphabet in nature and architecture. This study is in the letter “V” for the benefit of the A to Z challenge letter “V” and the Weekly Photochallenge “Letters.” Forgive me if I am not justifying the photography in the proper V position. I believe the eye is naturally captured by a familiar shape. Perhaps you too would enjoy the photography treasure hunt for letters.
more than a covering
look with eyes at a new world
look to the heart of the matter
more than cells
past a scoping tube
a mere reflection
look clear to my heart
I am me
“Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.”
1 Cor 13:12
I am posting this for A to Z Challenge and Poet’s United Motif where the prompt is Science.