The Dance of Life (A Story)

I wasnt there but I felt your fear. We are mothers after all who have big, strong sons. Strong arms that will hold us when we are frail and weak.

We will never meet but I was there in the waiting room with you. I was holding your hand. I shed a tear. I wanted to yell at the doctors to hurry. I wanted to scrub in and help.

He swallowed a screw you told me through tear brimmed eyes.

“He was fixing the wall in our house when he inhaled it. When he started coughing painful spurts of blood we knew there was trouble. There are no doctors near our village. A friend drove us in his truck many miles to the hospital.”

“They told us the risk was great they couldn’t find the screw in the x-ray. The doctor knew something was there. they had to find it.”

I hugged her. There was a picture in my mind of a screw in your son. I prayed the doctor would find it my friend. If he were my son, you would do the same.

They found the screw after hours of exploring. “The rate of infection is high,” they said. After two weeks, the mother, my friend proudly showed me the screw tucked next to her heart. We danced around the screw – for life, for sons.

I wrote this note to the mama I will never meet:” I got the call before your son went into surgery; my friend a doctor was overseas. He was there when your son needed him. Our lives are different you are from a  small village in Zimbabwe I am from a big city in the United Stated. We are one as mothers. I was so glad my doctor friend was there to help your son. I was there with you in prayer.”

In the arms of those you love (Comfort) a blog

Comfort

When do you need comfort? You just got bad news. A family member or friend is sick or dying. Your child is in the hospital.

Today I held a friend and cried. Women do that. We cried in sorrow of what happened and celebration of what could have happened and didn’t!

My daughter was hospitalized this week. At one point, I thought she was slipping away from us. How could she? She is so young. She didn’t! Though I am concerned -I have another day to enjoy her smile and to tickle her chin.

A dear friend got a call last night, her daughter, grandson, and son-in law had been in a vehicle that flipped twice. The call was from her daughter.  “Can you meet us at the emergency room?”  I held her grandson today and aside from a good bump over one eye he was a perky toddler.

Why Wait?

Why does it take moments of distress or near calamity for us to reach out for comfort or to comfort?

So what are arms for anyway?

Don’t wait for a reason – Hug people you care about today.

Day worth living (a poem for jingle)

Day might be gray

may not be bright

not only based

on the look at first sight

Last night was dark

I have to say

had nothing to do

with the absence of ray

Ran to the hospital

knew things weren’t right

my child was listless

eyes had no light

There were moments

no response

could not believe

could this be my loss?

Life is a question

day in and day out

today I am grateful

so thankful

want to shout

***Today I am truly grateful to God.  I brought my girl home from the hospital.

Love Hurts ( losing a friend to cancer)

Romantic at Heart

I am a romantic at heart so my poet friends tell me. I never really thought about it before. Something I do know about myself is that I pour my life into lives that are suffering, hurting. I’m a nurse so I guess it helps to have a big heart – sometimes. After a heart wrenching situation with a friend, I was reminded  that Love Hurts!

A Memory

I was taken back in time, not centuries, just a few years back. Went back to a time when I was on the “top of my game.” I was in hospital admin.  My job  was  training the hospital staff- something I love to do.  I was also required to assess the staff’s progress. I spent a lot of time on one unit because it was right next to my office. One of the patients on the unit was a gal who from outward appearances seemed hard and unapproachable. As the weeks went on and we talked, Ellie became a friend.

Same People Same Places

Ellie was a little older than me but with cancer induced dementia Ellie was living in another world. Luckily the world her dementia chose was  Ellie’s late teens. In her mind, she visited places where she snuck out at night to meet a boy or have a smoke. What we discovered was that we had grown up within a five-minute drive of each other. We had known some of the same people and hung out at the same places.

Watching Decay

Ellie and I grew close because I could go back to the world where she now spent most of her time. We laughed about our antics as teens. She was there again trying to defy her parents and I was hoping her treatments would defy the odds. Ellie would visit my office after going to the courtyard for a smoke. I hated watching her decay. I hated hearing the gasping coughs after a chain smoking binge.  Ellie had rebelled and become a smoker as a teen, she was not going to give up her smoking now.

I laughed ..She coughed

I went visiting family during the holidays- drove by her house and the park and the mall. I wanted to be reminded of where she was and where we could visit together. She told me a story of  nuns skinny dipping in her pool (you didn’t hear that from me). I reminded her of the puke green fence surrounding the yard,  of shopping at the mall, and we re-lived football games. I laughed ~ she coughed. I held her as she writhed in pain; My desk blotted out my tears.

Smiles laced with sorrow

The last days I would take a flower and a smile to my heavily drugged friend. I would carry peace in to room 416; I would carry sorrow out. The tug on my heart grew more profound as the day grew near. My staff watched my pain and feared. Then it happened; I was off that day. My teen friend left me what more could I say. I cried each time I passed 416~ expected to see smoke tendrils in the courtyard. No more.

My family asked me – was it worth it? Was it worth loving her? I assured myself – “it was  worth every moment!” I am hoping she is free now seeking out the skinny dipping nuns,basking in the sun on the other side of Eternity – waiting for me.

You would think I would have learned…

Today a friend left in another way – didn’t die just moved on.  What more is there to say – I keep giving my heart and am reminded that love hurts.

Thank you Rich Anderson for the photograph